My parents are distributing all their belongings ...

They started by getting rid of their coats, then their records and their books. It's the turn of the paintings. How far are they going? The question is valid.

At first we only saw fire. Their wardrobes were getting ready, small things were disappearing, the dishes were getting smaller, but it was for a good cause. They doubled a big spring cleaning of donations here and there, sometimes to a charity, sometimes to a girlfriend in need, even to our children, just to equip them, or to ourselves to please us. No complaints. But when the paintings disappear from the walls to leave only the yellowish and screaming trace of their absence or that they consider without blinking to get rid of their garage and the car it sheltered, we are entitled to worry . OK to no longer drive, given their age, but that hides this operation attic garage-driving drum beating?

What does it hide?

They would be 50-60 years old, one might think they are in a phase of change: they need to rethink their environment and, in this context, the desire to make a clean sweep before making any adjustments seems logical. There, it is different, and it would be necessary to be blind not to see that these dispossessions are not the sign of a next rebound. There remain two options: either they are manipulated, or they prepare their departure. In any case, their reaction discourages us. However, whatever the option, the best is of course to talk about it.

We check their motivations

To avoid crumpling, we advance with discrete steps by ensuring that no one is lurking behind this "data" acute. Would there be a large masked beneficiary miraculously receiving the fruit of their shedding? At their age, it is not difficult to remote control them to enjoy their generosity. No wolf in sight? So the explanation is quite different. Would not he fall by the arm? Are they considering a dependent old age that would force them to disperse their furniture right now? Or is the time just for them to take a little distance with the material goods?

We dare to speak to them

Whatever the hypothesis, it deserves an open-heart conversation. The fear of facing a discussion on their end of life has perhaps hitherto forbidden us to approach the certainly painful but also pragmatic dimension. Themselves, feeling reluctant, did not dare to evoke it frontally. It is up to us to create this moment of listening that they may ask of us by giving everything, so as not to be caught off guard, not to be in denial or anguish. Let's make peace with the meaning they intend to give to their lives. And respect their choices. We owe them that.

Read also Manage money from elderly parents

Video: How to Divide Family Treasures Without Dividing the Family (November 2019).


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