Resilience: Why are not we all equal before an ordeal?

Break in love, death of a loved one, loss of a job: no one reacts in the same way in the face of a test of life, and it is not necessarily a will. Resilience, which is our ability to cash in and get up, is in each of us, but more or less present. Explanations.

Resilience: from physical science to psychology

Resilience is originally a physical science term that refers to the ability of a material to regain its original shape after a shock. This capacity varies of course, depending on the materials.
This term has been transposed into psychology, but the image remains the same. In this context, resilience corresponds to our psychological collection capacity, our ability to rebound after a trauma, in various fields (work, family, lovers ...).

Resilience is neither genetic nor a question of will

You will have noticed, faced with an ordeal, a disappointment, a difficult event of life, which weakens us, we do not all have the same way of reacting: some will let go, will give up, have some It's hard to get over it and move on, while others are going to have an inner strength that will allow them to get up quickly, deal with the shock, and sometimes even make it a driving force to continue. Their path.

Some will say that resilience has something to do with our education, what we have received from our parents, the fact that we have been more or less loved. But for Ariane Calvo, clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and author of Find his vital momentum at Editions First, resilience is something we have in us that does not depend on our education or our "genetic baggage".

Resilience refers to the ability to make a life test (love disappointment, loss of a loved one, loss of a job ...) does not alter us to the point of not being able to get up again. Resilience is for Ariane Calvo the result of an exceptional ability to solve problems, based on "an appetite for life foolproof".

We have this in us, it is something that appears in childhood very early, it is a psychic element and therefore internal, which is not genetic and can not be educated. The proof, there is no transmission: in the same siblings some children will be equipped with an ability to get up while others will have more trouble bouncing back after a test of disappointment.

The will has nothing to do with resilience, it's more about a sense of personal values: the right to happiness, the right to life, "I deserve it and accept to be happy and I let myself go beyond the difficulties encountered".

This "Something" that we have more or less in ourselves, which allows us to rise more or less easily, is a kind of life drive, a vital impulse. Two things that we all have in ourselves, but not in quantity and equivalent quality, are what make us not all equal before an obstacle.

A link between resilience and hypersensitivity?

It is observed that the great resilient are hypersensitive: they arrive, most of the time, to identify the emotions of the others in an intense way which helps them to overcome the obstacles. Because identifying what they can count on in them, but also in others, unconsciously, helps them to bounce back after a difficult time.
The ability to ask for help, to trust others, and the confidence you have for the future "the capacity for wonder and gratitude, trust in a good star", distinguishes resilient people from those who find it harder to get up.
These people also have the ability to make sense of trauma, to identify the reason for what is happening to them, and to use it as a force, not a weight. "
And if they do not immediately perceive the sense of the trials they go through, they trust that the meaning will come later, when the storm will pass even if they can not understand it immediately, "he says. Ariane Calvo.

Thanks to Ariane Calvo, clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and author of Finding her life force, 10 keys to bounce after an event, Editions First, 14.95 euros.

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