Rome was not made in a day. As we all know, to achieve our goals, we often fail. An obsession for some, who see this as a shame. Yet failure is an integral part of our construction. Explanations.
Whether in the family, school, music or sports, life is made of chess. Some are so afraid of living that they have developed a real phobia of failure: kakorrhaphiophobia. But why are we so afraid of failing? According to Antoine Spath, psychologist, "failure refers to a narcissistic injury. It hurts because it can make you lose self-confidence, especially since it is not valued socially … failure is part of the construction of psychic life, it is a necessary passage"he continues.
The important thing is not the failure itself, it is rather always to learn a lesson.
Fail, a necessary step to succeed
Camille, 29, a starred chef at a starred restaurant, says: "After my baccalaureate, I continued in architecture school. If I did it, it was for my parents, I did not want to. And for once, I planted well! I have always been passionate about cooking. So after this failure, I said to myself: Camille, from now on, you will do only what you like. Here I am today cook and happy !”
Failure can sometimes define what you really want. Whether professionally like Camille or on a personal level. Valérie, 33, says: "All my love affairs ended in failure. I was jealous, possessive and I was destroying my mind with my paranoia. I suffered, of course, but I think that with hindsight it's all that opened my eyes. I took the time to love myself. To be alone and happy. Today I am in a relationship with my partner for 4 years and I have never been so happy in my life.“
42-year-old Amandine knew how to take advantage of one of her failures: "When I passed my driver's licenseI had a big freak and I lost my ways. I took a street in the opposite direction, without even thinking". A big failure that allowed him to improve and better manage his anxieties in critical moments: "I did some relaxation therapy for that and it serves me all the time"She explains.
To know how to get up after a failure
It is true that after a failure, we doubt a lot of us and we put a lot of things in question, but it is these challenges that will lead us to success. Succeed right now? We all want it. Is it possible ? Surely. However, we must accept that this does not happen all the time and that we sometimes go through hardships. "Where there are failures, there is a success elsewhere"Says the psychologist. "In a failure, there is never a defeat.”
Failures bring success closer. And it is not the singer Hélène Ségara who will say the opposite: "in hindsight, I bless every test that allowed me to move forward"She delivers. "People are afraid of failure thinking that it is destructive. In my eyes, it is initiatory. One gets up stronger, stronger and knowing more who one is then obviously my philosophy is never to give up and fight for the joy of winning.”
Hélène Ségara testifies
A few years ago, when she played Esmeralda in the musical Notre Dame de ParisHéléne Ségara had significant vocal cord problems. After consulting Canada and New York, where she was given little hope, she finally benefited from a new laser technique. Subsequently, the singer begins vocal re-education with the coach of Celine Dion and Pavarotti: "And there, all of a sudden, I understood all that I did not know about my voice! Why I tired her, how I ruined her. And it was thanks to this test that I learned how to use it better and not have to relive that anymore."The singer even states that it is precisely thanks to these events that today,"singing is a pleasure, not a fatigue or anguish”.
“It is normal to need time and sometimes tears too, the time to mourn our disappointment, we are only humans! But we can not miss out on our lives and spoil the flavor because of recurring fears or fears of failure. It has always been said that losing a battle does not mean losing the war, but rather taking a more strategic step back to face the walls that stand on our roads.She expresses.
“I had a lot of failures, hardships, glitches and important questions, but after each of them, I discovered how happy I was and aware of what I had"The artist confides moreover write for some years on the strength of the mind and intervenes even during conferences on the positive thought:"I really believe that people need to believe more in them”.
The problem: the view of others on our failures
According to Antoine Spath, failure is socially frowned upon because it refers to loss and mourning. This kind of episode can be difficult to live because you can quickly feel vulnerable and humiliated in front of others. But just imagine if Thomas Edison, the inventor of the phonograph, the light bulb, and the kinetograph - the first camera in history - had given up after his first failure? He himself had declared "I did not fail. I just found 10,000 solutions that do not work.”
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